What's Good for the Goose

I don't understand the fascination that fascist dictators (and Muslim fundamentalists) have with goose stepping troops. Apparently no self-respecting tyrant or mullah can be satisfied that his legions are truly combat ready until they can kick up their heels like Rockettes and strut like drum majors. The military benefit of this particular skill remains a mystery to me. Stomping grapes, yes. Slogging through rice paddies or sand dunes, no. Maybe it's their version of an end zone celebration dance. Or lacking wind-up toy soldiers as children these wackos in chief are compensating now.

I for one would love to see competitive marching in some sort of formal setting. Say the Goose Games. Let's see who's really got the stuff for world domination. Forget about WMDs and IEDs…show us your moves, by God. Or Allah. Granted, it wouldn't be a true championship without the Nazis, but we'd just have to make do with the Russians, North Koreans, Chinese, Hezbollah and various South American and eastern European countries I'm sure I've overlooked. The winners get to strut their stuff in the losers' Squares. Maybe these countries would start putting their energies into the marching and forget about the madness. One big step for a soldier, one truly giant leap for mankind.